i wake up shortly after 3. for days now i have had these strange, irrational moments of panic. now i think this is what is called a full on panic attack. it comes and goes in waves. i get this strange tingeling sensation in my chest, a sensation that feels almost as if it had an electrical charge, for lack of a better word. some hard breathing. a slightly racey heartbeat. it only lasts for maybe a minute, then dissappears again.
i think it has something to do with the fact that the last time i was here was when 9/11 happened. i must have somehow associated some irrational fears with being here. back then we had spent a weekend in london with monkeypunkie. after that we went our seperate ways. she had to go back to switzerland, i went on to ireland on a short trip. when the attacks happened i was on a train from paddington to wales to catch the ferry.
and so maybe this is the explanation for my strange panic. today i will catch a train from paddington again. to totnes.
9/11 – one of those where-were-you-when moments in human history. the guardian extra spark this wknd quotes a poll that found 68% of us worried about terrorism, 29% extermely or very worried, while 25% of those polled said they had altered their behaviors as a result of fears about terrorism. so it worked. the element of fear was effectively introduced.
rewind to yesterday morning. i make my way to camden to meet some of the moblogger buddies, alfie and tabbs, joe and shoes, misternavid. we go out for “breakfast”. or at least i think we are. for them, hung-over, its bloody marys and huge plates of food with various roasts. for me, trying to do breakfast, its a cappuchino and some nachos = the closest thing to breakfast on the menu. its good to meet in somewhat quieter circumstances. but when our orders arrive it gets almost too quiet for me. i have rarely seen a group of such dedicated eaters before.
alfie’s ‘puter, in case you wondered, is not working. alfie thought i jinxed it and requires my ninja skills to confrontk zak next saturday.
later i meet paula le dieu for a walk in hampstead heath. its still teh spectacularest park in the middle of a city ever. we walk and talk and its great. in the men’s pond we see quite a few guys swimming – for some strange reason. we shiver just watching this. we find out that there are 5 ponds one after the other. the top pond, the one with the cleanest water straight from the spring, is the women’s pond. then comes i think the birds’ pond, and then the fish pond. and only then comes the men’s pond. so men swim in the water used before by women, birds and fishes. so basically, do not swim in the pond after the men’s pond! it most be near radioactive.
then we hit the yummie, indian vegetarian buffet chutney’s. *melts*.
we joke about the next new thing we want to introduce. you know how people do that annoying thing, two fingers in the air, to quote/unquote-emphasize things they say. well, how about we start using *emotes* in the same way. instead of saying “well, i’ll have to think about that” you draw two small * symbols in the air and and say “thinks about it”. the same could then be done with html brackets, drawing kill strike through brackets etc. and so on increasingly nerdy.
and then another early bedtime for me… i am so not the party animal i still would like to be. just a little.
please ignore this post, because i might be kinda whacky, i’m afraid… ugh.