ingerland 04: day 6

or, when things get really depressing.

after miles and miles of driving through landscapes full of flossies aka sheep with spraypainted arses the train finally reaches the coastline – to immediately leave it again. i remembered it wrong, totnes is not right on the coast, but about a 10 minute trainride away. it has changed much since i last was here, more than 12 years ago. its now all teh posh, and half as cute. prices for accomodation are crazy. its october now, cold, shite weather, its not even on the coast, but “we do not have seasonal prices”, the woman at the information center tells me, “totnes is equally as attractive year round”. oh really. i have a plan. i catch the next bus to the beachtown, surely there prices must have dropped by now, and later i’ll come back here to get some cream tea and eat at the vegetarian restaurant. a brilliant plan, no? when i leave totnes in the bus a few minutes later i give it the middlefinger. i knowwww. too silly.

its only a 10 minute drive. but thing is, paignton in torbay, a beachresort they have dubbed “the english riviera – a claim that in and of itself should have made me run the opposite way, is teh fugliest place i have ever been to. feels like i was teleported smack into the middle of white trash britania. i want to leave that instant, better yet get beamed out of there, please, but i am also very tired of schlepping my junk around. and since prices are a bit more affordable, i decide to have a look around. after checking out a few rooms that make me want to puke onto their flowery drappings, i find a place thats okay. i just forget to check the bed…

i am so frustrated, that i look for an internet cafe to try and switch my return flight ahead to tomorrow… but its way too expensive and complicated, so i just resign myself to the misery. i dont know what it is about ugly places that upsets me in an almost aggressive way. i am such an arrogant urban cunt.

and just when you think things could not get any worse along comes the days highlight. the busdriver on the bus back to totnes is the coolest i have EVER seen. she wears the blue busdriver blazer real casual, with a short skirt, knee high black leather boots over white silk leggings. her black short hair is in two short braids. heavy rimmed glasses. wicked!

its around 5 when i get back to totnes. but everything has closed shop already. “no cream tea?”, i whine to myself. so i decide to go to the vegetarian restaurant instead. turns out that it is closed on monday and tuesday nights. what a success! i secretly show the middle finger to myself right there and then. i eat a totally overpriced veggie burger in a shite restaurant and head back to paignton. at this point i just dont want to see it anymore. its almost 8 and i just want to dig myself into bed and read. but of course, you’ve guessed it, the bed is a nightmare. extremly soft and wobbly. but at least its really quiet, so i fall asleep and wake up only briefly around 3. it is now 7. i have a backache. but its quiet out. and no contractors expected. today i shall leave the english riviera as quickly as a got here.

About Jan Zuppinger

Jan Zuppinger has been writing this blog since 2002. He likes to grow vegetables. He likes to eat them too. He has opinions on everything, but sadly no one cares. Jan Zuppinger is not joking, just joking, he is joking, just joking, he's not joking. *click.