has this ever happened to you?
you trusted somebody with very personal information about yourself and then later, maybe in a fight, this person turns the information around and uses it against you?
i assume alot of people are familiar with this kind of situation.
it’s typical highschool stuff!
well, something like this has recently happened to me!?!
the first time in a long time…
and after years i had forgotten how much this hurts.
*outch*
it’s so obviously a blatant abuse of trust!
and there is such a mischivious, manipulative intention behind it!
it’s right in your face.
both people know this.
both see it.
yet still, it hurts like hell…
i was shocked, not knowing how to respond.
how does one deal with this? i did not know in highschool and i still don’t..
it is one of my goals in life to be an open book to people. especially to my friends, i will tell them anything. vulnerabilty with me has method. it feels right, it feels real, it feels good. it is what i want…
but of course, when this vulnerability gets trampeled on, it hurts.
is this someone me?
I always thought, being an open book only makes you strong, because you could reach a point beyond vulnerability. that’s my concept. you trampeled on my strongness, forced me to regress to a world of black and white, good and evil, trust and misstrust. that’s not the world as I want to see it. … not the world I live in. I want to see richness, difference – many differences! I want to see you as an independent person, a human being, with all your beauty and talent and skills and smoothness and peculiarities – even if they are different from mine. I despise fighting, it’s something from that black-and-white highscool world. but I want to be appreciated as a person myself. it never occured to me, that our mutual trust was something to doubt. this was the basis, as it should be between people, who like each other. so, what would be my motive to manipulate you, I ask. why would I intend to change you, to hurt you, to do anything to you, which would be against your will and believe. tell me: why?
.. and jesus, why am I writing this all down in your blog??! you’re such a sympathetic idiot, DON’T YOU SEE??!!!
luv
me