[I wrote most of this in 2013, but then somehow never was able to finish it, or be happy with it. 7 years later things have not changed one bit. So I’ll just published (and make some popcorn)]
No, I don’t feel fine. At times I feel the opposite of fine. At times, this is true, I feel pretty damn low even. I have days, when I don’t see how things can continue. I have hours when I can only see the gloomiest possible outcome. It feels like we are sitting in that metaphorical, fast moving car heading straight into the wall, and no one is willing to hit the brakes. Why aren’t we hitting the damn brakes?
Some people probably already diagnosed me by now, let me guess, these judgmental people think I am depressed, a few probably have labeled me that. It must somehow be helpful to them, it puts a safe distance between themselves and I. They are already formulating in their heads a reply, something along the lines of “you should get help” or “have you tried pills?”.
But I don’t think I am depressed. I am in despair. And I am desperate. Desperate for change. I want things to improve, I ache to see change, a fundamental change that is so long overdue, a system change, capitalism is just an idiotic system. What on earth are we waiting for?
I could easily turn this around and start to distrust people, who are not desperate for change. I mean have a look at the situation of our planet. Global warming, peak oil, more and more frequent environmental catastrophes, water scarcity, over population, sectarian wars, nuclear waste, plastic islands in our oceans, the economical gap between north and south widening, austerity programs, youth unemployment, migration… And meanwhile the rich just keep getting richer.
The current system is clearly not working. And all the positivists, the Pinkers of this world, the Pinkers doing their #pinkering with data, get it?, can just take a hike. What else needs to happen for us to start to actually feel alarmed? And what needs to happen for us to start to actually change our ways? “When a car is driving towards a wall, the driver does not contemplate how much he should brake, he just hits the brakes”, wrote Reto Knutti in the article “Inflation der Klimasziele” – 7.7.2013 [NZZ paywall].
Sometimes it feels to me like I am the only one who wants to start this change now, no sorry, start yesterday, and I almost despair when I realize how little is happening, how actually people are doing quite the opposite of what they should do, while they still can. Car sales of SUVs have gone up, not down, since it is clear that those vehicles might soon have to be restricted. People seem to fly in airplanes more, not less, and it feels like a sort of Torschlusspanik, a scarcity panic, flying around as much as possible, while this environmentally taxing form of traveling is still allowed.
But even beyond these ecological Vogelstrauss tactics, on the most basic level, there is now less solidarity than ever. It seems clear, we need to build a fair world, where humans take care of the limited resources and stop to pollute everything. Yet everyone still hopes for economic growth.
Or actually the worst problem is how apathetic most people are. Most people don’t even care. They prefer to ignore the facts in order to be able to keep their wasteful ways. Most people have developed excellent filters, reading the news filled with ecological and economic doom scenarios left, right and middle does not even faze them anymore. I somehow have lost that ability. But I can’t see why that should be such a bad thing. Last week I read this article, and it stayed with me for days and days – as it damn well should! It’s not easy to live with all this information, to witness how everything is going to shit around us, how we are destroying planet earth, and each other. And at the same time to be aware of how little I as an individual can do to change it. But I prefer to be in the know, than to live in denial. And to do what I can to not contribute to the problem.
The time for denial is over. All the information is available with just a few clicks. We must change our ways, and we have to do so fast, or accept the fact that we are destroying our planet. Or maybe the planet will somehow adapt and survive, but our ability to live on this planet will be gone. Yet very few people seem to care. And of the few people who do care, very few are willing to start to change their own behavior. It might well be too little too late. This does upset me. But, again, I tend to think of this as quite a natural response. The people who try to turn my reaction into a pathology should have a hard look at themselves. The wall is fast approaching and the brakes are right there. I want us to step on the brakes. Let’s step on them already. What are we waiting for?
The other day I was invited to a dinner with some people engaged in an ecological group. I don’t want to shame anyone, so I am not going to name which group this was, but the goal of this grassroots activist movement is to strengthen local economies and to build resilient and ecologically smart systems. For the dinner one person was doing to cooking, the others would bring deserts or drinks. The first person brought vegan deserts made from coconuts from Costa Rica and mangoes from the Philippines. The second person brought non-organic melons and apricots imported from Spain. The third person a non-organic bottle of wine from Spain. The fourth person cherries from Italy. I started to feel pretty silly with my bottle of home made Linden Flower Fizzy Lemonade that I had made myself the day before. But I sat there looking at this food and could not believe my eyes. Of course I did not say a word – we never do. We never even tell each other anymore, not even the obvious stuff, I just sat there and wondered, what is the point to organize environmentally conscious groups, if even they don’t care about such basic things as buying regional and seasonal food, or even better, to start to produce their own things.
One of the people in that group has a job as a biochemist in a company that is one of the biggest polluters in this town. The neighbors of this company keep fighting against them, because their waste water smells up their neighborhood, kids live there, old people, they pump tons of hot water into the system, which encourages molds and bacteria to grow. How can a person engaged in an ecological activist group work for such a polluter? I just don’t get it.
We are reacting too slow. News flash, the goals we set out may be too little to late. At times I can’t decide what needs to happen. Do I get cynical and hope for things to turn to shit, and then maybe we can pick it back up and fix things? Or do I try to find hope, somehow, somewhere? Or maybe I just make popcorn and laugh at how idiotic human beings are?
