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DOWNLOAD: Your Noise Is My Slow Death – Part 1 | Silence [144 MB – 01:00:00 – 320kbs]
TITLE: Your Noise Is My Slow Death – Part 1 | Silence
“Sensitivity is popularly regarded as an individual aberration or personal choice but will be increasingly understood as environmentally modulated. Charged by the energy of the protest. Leaving the room because of what’s in the air. I see sensitivity as a way of living that can be cultivated, not just borne—an ethos that will gain importance as our relationships to earth, other species, and each other shift.”
~ Eleni Stecopoulos – Dreaming in the Fault Zone
//cw mention of self-harm and suicide
So uhm, i created this mixtape, because i have been trying, and failing, to write an essay with the same title for many, many months (since March 2025 to be precise). In the essay i try to show, how our culture continues to protect the loudest people, the bullies, the extroverts, and how i understand this as a form of structural ableism. How the meaning of the terms “tolerance” and “flexibility” has been twisted to only ever cut one way, to the point that both of these terms now are getting weaponized in defense of hyper-individualism, and are used to gaslight the part of the population that suffers under the noise. How noise is a constant factor in the world that we have made. And how a fight to oppose this permanent onslaught of noise–that, mind you, we are subjected to without ever having given our consent–could conceivably turn into an anti-capitalist, mutual aid, communal care, bottom-up and many other beautiful ideas *deep breath* revolution.
If the permanent exposure to unwanted noise is understood as one oppressive element, among several others, of course, imposed on us by a hostile system, what’s not to oppose?
But sadly I failed to write about these topics in a coherent manner. I will continue to try, but for now, here’s a mixtape dedicated to the topic. Why am i experiencing writers block now? It might well be due to a lack of personal distance in regards to noise, a distance that can be required to tackle certain issues. But the main reason must be that it fills me with shame to admit to this. I hate having to be the partypooper, who begs everyone to please keep the noise down. That’s even more absurd, because noise really does dominate my life. I even go as far as saying that noise tortures me. Every single day. However, nowadays to admit to a sensitivity is seen as weakness. It makes one vulnerable, and who wants that?! Part of my shame might even be justified. Compared to all the extreme suffering that we witness in our world–wars, famine, repression, fascist thugs killing people in the streets, etc.–my problem with extreme noise sensitivity feels like such a first world issue.
“Just be more tolerant”, i yell at myself inside my head. With that i chime in to the gaslighting that comes at me from every angle. Or “just wait until old age will degenerate your hyper-acute sense of hearing”, which is the advice my mum gave me. Maybe this noise sensitivity does run in the family. My mum used to be highly sensitive to noise. It’s no longer the case since she is in the process of losing her hearing. My late aunt wrote about my late uncle, who died much too young: “He never found life easy. It was accompanied by an inner restlessness, a constant search for possible answers to philosophical and theological questions, a need for periods of absolute peace and quiet, and the fear of not getting them or not being able to claim them for himself.” Sounds familiar.
Listen, i even hesitate to talk about it as a “sensitivity”. To me it feels less like i am sensitive to noise and more like i crave quiet. Maybe i even deserve some peace and quiet, which would help me heal. If it is framed as a sensitivity the blame gets shifted, in not so subtle ways. “Oh, he’s just too sensitive” declares me as the faulty entity, belittles and others me. I prefer to say that i have hyperacusis. Which describes a potentially debilitating condition that might even deserve some compassion.
Think about it. Is it really me, who is to blame, who is too sensitive to noise? Or is it maybe the world that is too damn noisy?
At the very least it’s a bit of both. In the world that i would like to live in, high sensitivity might be considered a commendable trait, and who knows, maybe even a super power. Or at the very least something that is “welcome, unusual, helpful” as someone recently told me. As it stands my condition gets treated as something to be ashamed of, as something that makes me difficult to be around, as something that justifies me getting ridiculed and bullied.
Every hyperacusis questionnaire that i ever took came back with the same result. That i have a very severe form of hyperacusis. But when i tell my doctor about it, she answers, oh, that’s so difficult to diagnose. No. It fucking isn’t. Just listen to what i have to say, how i describe my symptoms, and it becomes fucking obvious. Dude.
It is estimated that somewhere between 10 to 40% of people suffer from some form of hyperacusis. That’s up to four out of ten people. A shitload. It is understood as a spectrum (and what isn’t) from mild to severe. But because it is based on self-assessment, as such not measurable, medicine laughs it out of the room, bans it into the woo woo field of psychosomatic or hysterical conditions.
Medical doctors make me so fucking angry.
*Deep breath*
Look, i never chose to have this condition. It chose me. I might have made some choices in my life that made it worse. Being a club DJ for almost ten years certainly didn’t help. At least it explains the tinnitus, often an underlying cause in hyperacusis. I feel terrible for being such a weak, pathetic, whiny asshole mess loser. No really, i do. But again, is it really just me?
Take a moment to listen to what is going on around you. Doesn’t it seem that the permanent noise in the world is getting out of hand? Don’t we have enough studies that prove that noise makes people ill–or makes existing illnesses worse? Why is everyone pretending that it doesn’t bother them? Why is everyone nuking their senses with nicotine, alcohol, drugs or distracting themselves with home entertainment? Shouldn’t we instead fight for a less noisy world?
For someone like myself denial is not an option. Try as i might i lost my ability to ignore the noise. The reality is that noise makes me suffer to the point that i contemplate suicide several times per week, often every day. For the simple reason that i am exhausted and don’t see a future for myself in a world where the sensitive, the introverted, the quiet people–and maybe the neurodivergent, chronically ill, elderly–are meant to act as a sponge, to soak up all the noise, that gets imposed on us by the reckless behavior of the loud, brash, inconsiderate bullies, who no longer seem to possess any shred of impulse control.
Under the toxic influence of end times capitalism and neoliberalism, hyper-individualism has only gotten worse. People are only getting louder in their incessant obsession to broadcast their lives, screaming about nothing of importance, at the top of their lungs, to no one in particular. These same people also enjoy it, when they can make others (me) suffer. It makes them feel superior to see people like myself wince under their auditory assault. The trolls have come offline.
Well, for me there’s no way around it. I am one of the people who suffer under this noisy situation, a situation that has only gotten worse and worse and worse. It has turned me so bitter, that i might well come off as a rude, unfriendly asshole. But that has not always been the case. In theory i try to be friendly towards new neighbors in the building. Initially i try to accommodate and welcome them. But then they start to impose their noise on me with their inconsiderate and frankly shitty attitude, which makes me suffer, and i start to hate them. In the end i can almost no longer greet them in the staircase.
Your noise is my slow death.
I understand full well how this is not a healthy arrangement. We live next door to each other. We all pay rent to the same assholes. But my neighbors get dominate my life. Whereas i don’t have a right for peace and quiet? Their noise wakes me up at all hours, or keeps me awake, which is poison for someone who is chronically ill. Somehow i am just meant to soak it all up. There really should be a dialogue between us, the direct neighbors, to try and find a compromise that works for everybody, not just for the loudest among us. But the capitalist assholes, that we pay our rent to, the landlords, real estate agents and other hyenas, do nothing to accommodate such a process. They only care about us paying rent. That’s it. Pay your rent and shut the fuck up. Suffer in silence while your neighbors trample all over you.
The bullies always win.
Surely this is not fair.
#!@@&@@!#
It’s been a while since David Graeber has spilled the secret. That “the ultimate hidden truth of the world is that it is something that we make, and could just as easily make differently”. If we accept his premise (which we should) and then proceed to investigate the world that we have made from various angles (political, economic, ecological, spiritual, etc.), we can only come to one conclusion: We have done a shitty job. The world that we have made is a shitty place. And a noisy one.
If you are a person, like myself, who craves quiet–or who maybe even needs quiet in order to heal from a chronic illness (doctor’s orders)–well, guess what, then you are shit out of luck. Because in the world that we have made, quiet has been turned into a rarefied commodity. Quiet is something that only filthy rich assholes can afford (by buying an entire city block or an island. Eww). For the rest of us, in the world that we have made, noise rules.
Internal combustion engines–running on fossil fuels!–are everywhere and they are too damn loud. Take your pick between the noise of cars, planes, helicopters, industrial noise, weed whackers, leaf blowers, tractors. But it goes beyond that. Between construction sites, church bells, cow bells, barking dogs, screaming babies, loud neighbors screaming on their balconies, Bluetooth speakers everywhere, all night techno parties in the forest–the noise never fucking stops. There is never a quiet moment to be had.
I believe that most people are sensitive to noise, to a varying degree. I just happen to find myself at the extreme end of the spectrum. If you, like myself, are an introvert or shy, maybe a neurodivergent person and/or maybe just someone who enjoys quiet moments, you are shit out of luck in the noisy world that we have made. If you are a person who enjoys to talk to others at room volume, maybe while trying to find a consensus that accommodates the needs of everyone, then this world is not for you.
In this world that we have made—and continue to make—the loudest, most ruthless, the most brash people, they rise to the top. In the cynical, life-negating system that we have implemented, the bullies always win. Under our current system the biggest liars, the rudest assholes and the loudest bullies end up ruling the world. Ableism is baked into this arrangement.
A demand for more quiet, for less noise, for more mutual consideration, for the best care for everyone, might therefore well be a revolutionary position.
Meanwhile, all i can do is meditate in the hope of discovering the silence with the silence and the silence within the noise. Go.
[The essay is much much longer. (Help, i need an editor). But for now this is what i feel comfortable to share. Maybe at some point in time i will manage to finish it]
So there it is.
A mixtape can offer a brief escape from the noise.
I hope this is the case.
In case you do, please tell a friend 😉
Look out for part 2 in a few weeks, maybe.
[Please consider to support these artists, by following the bandcamp links (if available) below]
TRACKLIST:
01. David Bowie – Blackstar
02. Emlyn Ellis Addison – Remains of the Quiet
03. Chris Roe – Nine Bodies
04. Leoni Leoni – Jungle room / Easyjet
05. Eartheater – Scripture
06. Siriusmo – Every Tree Needs A Friend
07. Gonjasufi – Your Maker (Anna Wise Remaker)
08. Barry Can’t Swim – The Person You’d Like To Be
09. SebastiAn ft. Charlotte Gainsbourg – Pleasant
10. Sheldon Agwu – Meditation Ribbon Dance (ft. Ylenia Tilli)
11. Mira Calix – Silence is Silver
12. Bashy – Blessed ft. Skrapz & Haile
13. The Chemical Brothers – Galvanize
14. Little Computer People – Friends Are Not Electric
15. Dropshadow Disease – Fototienda (Plaid Remix)
16. Daniel Wang – Black Boots & Sine Waves
17. Underworld – Peggy Sussed
18. Bill & Ben – Mr. Sequin’s Encore
19. Lily Allen – Dallas Major
20. Siriusmo – Koko
21. Marie Davidson – Push Me Fuckhead (Soulwax Dub Mix)
22. Charli xcx – House ft. John Cale
23. Seal -Silence
24. PJ Harvey – Silence
25. Portishead – Silence
26. Alanis Morisette – All I Really Want
27. Amanda Lear – Le Silence
28. Linton Kwesi Johnson – Two Sides of Silence
29. Maximum Joy – Silent Dub
29.1 David Bowie – Sons of the Silent Age
30. Kevin Richard Martin ft. Dis Fig – Silent
31. Boards of Canada – 5.9.78
32. Simon & Garfunkel – The Sound of Silence
SAMPLES:
Country Strong.2010, Patti Smith – Millionth Heaven, David Bowie – The Final Act, Clipse – All Things Considered, The Changeling.s01e07, The Sarah Silverman Podcast – Threesomes, Night Bras, Laura, Gangaji Podcasts, A Conversation with Ricky Lee Jones, HPI.s01e06, Prisoner 951.s01e01, DakhaBrakha – Kozak, Gangaji – The Silence of the Silence, ixi – I finally listened to Geogaddi
COVER: Created by the wonderful Fr3nzIn3 thanks a noiselesstrillion.
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COPYLEFT:
All music and audio is borrowed with the utmost respect for its creators. I consider this to be fair use. The material is created purely for fun and to share with my online friends. There is no commercial transaction involved.
I release all my work, the DJ work as well as all my other coding and creating, under a creative commons license, hence i treat this material as if it was under CC license. I attribute it and i do not use it for commercial gain. Don’t try to sue me, i am broke anyway.
All rights remain with original right holders. this mix makes fair use of copyrighted material. this mix is distributed non-commercially only.